I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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