I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
