so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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