i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
