you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
