She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Pants are for mortals
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