I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
