OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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