I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
