I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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