My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
