Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
