So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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