On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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