My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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