end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
