Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize