So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think your dad took our porno
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
