cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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