Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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