I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
