can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
