The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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