just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
