I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
