i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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