Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
