so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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