It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
