had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
