Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
