I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
