I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
