I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize