Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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