Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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