sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If I die, sorry about rent.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
