Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
