doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
