pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
