Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
