Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
