You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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