Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize