In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
