So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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