then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
