I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
