btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
