why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
