sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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