i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So vagazzling was a success
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
