my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
