Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
