Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
