I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
