member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
