he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
vagina is talking i cant
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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