why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
