my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
