Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
