What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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