Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize