She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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