I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize