Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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