It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
