Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
