Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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