are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
