i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
