Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
