me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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