I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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