proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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