Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
