i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
