Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They took my balls.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
