Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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