____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
