went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
